Christmas Eve

This will probably be a short post but I really feel like sharing nonetheless. Every Christmas eve, my parents tell me to invite friends over for our party and usually the answer is that my friends are all celebrating with their own families. Since I have gone away to college though, I have found some friends who don't celebrate Christmas but one friend in particular who is not allowed to decorate her house because she is Jewish. When I invited her over, she was ecstatic and accepted immediately. She had a great time and loved all of the Christmas decorations, presents and cookies that we had all around the house. I'd like to wish a Merry Christmas to everyone who loves the holiday, whether they celebrate it or not!

Dreams

I bet he's dreaming about llamas. 

     

*Note, this is going to be a pretty random collection of thoughts and questions on dreams. As I said in my last post, these posts are going to be more about actually posting rather than some deep meaning I've wrenched out of life. Hopefully I'll still be able to bring you such blogs, but for now you get some miscellaneous posts.

     Everyday we all dream. Our subconscious weaves tales and adventures that we experience while we recharge ourselves. When I was younger I held the firm belief that dreams were a way to see the future.  Have you ever had a dream where it doesn't make any sense to you, but then later on down the road you have a deja vu moment and believe said dream was of the present? Probably not, but younger me felt like that happened a lot.  And so for years I would remember my dreams as best as possible so I could tell the future.  Yea, I was a pretty crazy kid.

      Everyone has had a few of those dreams where you could've sworn that it was real life while in the dream.  Even the moments after you wake up you're confused because you thought your dream was reality.  I don't know about you, but more often than not when I have this sort of realistic dream it's usually a nightmare.  Is it the same for you?  (Another note, I'm hoping for some comments on this post.. I'm curious about your perception on dreams and what sort of things go down in them.... though please keep it PG!) 

I could probably use a dreamcatcher.

     Out of these realistic horror dreams I've had four that have shaken me for days and still disturb me if I recollect them now.  (Why is it that the scariest dreams are always the easiest to remember?)  I won't go into details because two of them are utterly confusing to explain and you're probably not all that interested in what I dream about.  I'm curious though; how many dreams have you had that you've woken up from and been afraid to go back to sleep afterwards? And do you still recall dreams that scare or disturb you?

     And then there's the good dreams.  Those dreams that you wake up from and can't help but smile, your only regret is that it ended.  Aren't those the best?  Maybe you've just dreamt out some real-life dream of yours, or you just saved the Earth from destruction by yourself and they've created a holiday in dreamland in honor of you.  Whatever it is, it's those dreams that make dreaming so enjoyable.  It's those dreams that you live for.  What are some of your super happy dreams?  In my latest happy dream I got married.  In the winter. On an iceberg. Okay, yea, that doesn't make much sense, but it was a happy dream! Or maybe I can tell you about the dream where I met the Doctor. Yes, that's how cool I am, I dream about Doctor Who.

     

     Like I said, this post was pretty random, just collecting a bunch of thoughts on the subject of dreams and asking them here.  Let's see if any of my readers are kind enough to comment about their dreams/thoughts.  As always, Love Being. 

Bet I just made you yawn. 

Photos from here, here, and here.

Amelioration and Regeneration

     First off, a sorry to one and all for not keeping this blog up.  I'd go with an excuse if I had one, but really, there isn't.  I really miss writing on this blog, so I'm gonna do my best to start it up again.  To make sure this happens I'm setting myself the task to make a new blog post every day.  

     Cause it's so easy to put it off if you do it every other day, and easy to forget if it's once a week.  So not every post I'm gonna make will be life-changing, deep, thought-provoking, etc. but hopefully it'll get me on the track to such posts. 

     Today is about renewal.  I'm reviving this blog, and hopefully there's going to be a few changes on it soon.  

     These past weeks with my roommate have not been the best.  In fact, they were kind of horrible.  It was at the point where we were no longer talking to one another.  We both made mistakes, and I recognize now I was inconsiderate towards her.  And for that I am truly sorry.  Just the other day we talked, and in a way we are starting anew.  There's going to be a few changes in this room and I'm gonna kick myself in the butt to get more friendly/outgoing.  But what seemed impossible a few days ago is happening now.  We're back on talking terms and things are looking brighter and better. 

     There's the lesson of the blog, I guess.  Although some things may seem tough and hard to get through, in time, they will get better.  You merely have to work towards it.  So remember, look up and love being.

Look! He's regenerating! ...okay.... I'll admit it, the only reason I used the word regeneration in the title was so I could use this picture.

It's the little things...

     This past week my mood has swung from ecstatic to bleh to happy to being blue for no apparent reason.  These last few days I've just been moping around during the day, unconnected sadness welling up inside.  And then today I get a notification on my phone that I got a new email.

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Sunday, March 7, 2010, and sent via FutureMe.org
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear FutureMe,

YOU ARE AWESOME! Now go out and buy yourself something spiffy! :D

Love, PastMe on March 7, 8:56 PM

     And suddenly my day was just that much better.  If past me thought I am awesome, surely she couldn't have been wrong.  This little note from myself of which I totally forgot about truly brightened my day.  Which just goes to prove that it's the little things in life that make it worth living :)

     I just went to the website and made a new message set for a random date in the future for myself.  It's a bit longer than this last one, set for sometime in September, congratulating myself for my second year in college.  I can't wait till I forget about sending it.  

     And now I've a task for you.  I want you to go to http://futureme.org/  and write yourself some kind of positive message.  Write three words, write an essay to yourself; I don't care.  What I do care is that you give yourself a wonderful message for sometime in the future and promptly forget about it.  I guarantee you your future self will be grateful for the reminder of how amazing they are.  Now go off and make your future self happy.  :D

Where Am I Going? Where Are You Going?

     So it's not something I'm proud to admit, but I figure it's gonna come around as a topic eventually, so here it is:  I'm seeing a psychiatrist for help with social situations.  I.E. My shyness, my inability to be comfortable in public situations, and my complete lack of ability of making new friends.  But that's not the point of this blog.  

     So this past Wednesday I had my third appointment and at one point the conversation went like this:

HER: So do you miss school?

ME: No.

HER: You don't?  Lemme ask you this then: why are you doing what you're doing?

Me: uhhh what?

HER: Why are you doing what you are doing in your life now?

ME: Uhh Cause I wanna go to college....

HER:  But why?

ME: So I can have a major...

HER: But why?

ME: So I can get a degree...

HER:  But why?

ME: So I can get a good job.

HER: But why?

ME: ....... *speechless*

HER: I'm only asking cause I was wondering if you're doing what you're doing because you want to do it, or because it's what you think you're supposed to be doing.

ME: I'm doing it because I want to.

..... I lied.  I just needed to get off the subject because she introduced me to a thought I'd never thought before: why am I doing this?  And I didn't have an answer.  I don't have an answer.  

     I don't enjoy college.  Not only because I'm socially awkward and made no friends, but I'm just sick of school.  Reflecting back on the year I didn't like my physics classes at all, and I only enjoyed art class when I was being praised for my work. (I'll admit it; I'm very full of myself that way.)  All of my other classes were hell.  So why am I in college?  Why am I going back?  

     Because it's what I assume I have to do.  That's what people do nowadays.  Go to college.  Get a degree.  Get a good paying job.  Live somewhat happily ever after.  I never actually asked my high school self, "Hey me, do you actually truly want to go to college?"  I just assumed that was what I wanted.  But is it really? 

     And yet, if college is not what I want to do, then what is?  If anyone knows the answer to that for me, I'd love if you could let me know.  

     I feel like all my life I've known what I wanted to become at this point in time.  An artist.  A surgeon.  A director.  An inventor.  A linguist.  An archeologist.  An Egyptologist.  A crime scene investigator.  A writer.  A physicist.  An astronaut.  A Rice-r-Us founder.  All of these things I've wanted to be.  I easily saw my future as each one of these at time when I grew up, thinking I'd always have some sort of passion to pursue.  When I was younger I would find some topic and engross myself in it until I knew all I could or my interest dwindled.  But whenever one interest died out, another one immediately flamed up and I'd be captivated in my new passion without ever experiencing any lag between my imagined future professions. 

     Here I am, 19 years old, my first year of college behind me, and not a passion or interest in sight.  I stood at the same spot a year ago, but then I hadn't wondered why I was going to college.  Then I was comforted by relations telling me that I'd have the year to figure out what I wanted to do; that by the end of the year I'd have an idea as to what path I'd want to take.  And through the year I searched for this path of mine. 

     I had my literature classes which made me realize my passion for writing has shrunk to almost nothing.  I had my physics courses, taking two despite my advisor's warnings that I should focus on a subject I'm better at (regardless of my intrigue with it).  It took me two almost impossible courses taken at the same time and an almost failing grade in one to realize she was right.  I had my art class where I finally felt some comfort.  And although all my life I've never truly wanted to become a proper artist for a living, I caved in to the thoughts of my teacher, advisor, and friends and family that maybe art would be the best future for me.  So I declared it as a major.  But it's not the major I want. 

     What is the major I want?  Do I even want a major?  

     Why am I doing what I'm doing?  Because I assumed it was what I wanted because that's what you're supposed to do; that is what you are supposed to want.  Is it really what I want? No.  What do I want?  I have no freaking idea. 

 The only thing I know at this point in time is that I am completely lost, drowning in the unknown, wondering when the hell my future will get here.

     So I wanna know: where are you going?  Do you know where you wanna go, or where your path leads?  Was it hard for you to find your path or have you always been able to see it your whole life?   Or are you maybe just as lost as I am?  C'mon, lemme see some feedback.  I wanna know what you all are up to with your futures :)

Photos from:here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Love being a friend

When I think about what I can write for this, I think of the two words 'Love Being' and try to shape something around that. Today, I love being a best friend, but more specifically a best friend to Kaitlyn, a girl I have known since before we can remember. I have written about Kaitlyn before in this, but now I'm going to tell you why I love being her best friend. Kaitlyn is just a month younger than I am, she used to live five houses down the street from me and we went to preschool together plus we were in girl scouts together for many years, she is more like a sister to me than anything else. We have always been there for each other and no matter what happens, we never judge, which is especially important because on wednesday her second son will be three weeks old. When Kaitlyn had her first child at sixteen she lost a lot of friends and when she moved away with her new boyfriend (she was forced out of her first son's life but her mother takes care of him) and had her second son she lost even more friends, but never lost me. I pride myself on being her best friend and godmother to her newborn son.

6.11.10

6.11.10, originally uploaded by mightymitchell.

Today was the first day of the 2010 World Cup! I was up at 9:20 so I'd be awake enough for the first match at 10AM and then also watched the second match of the day. Neither Mexico nor France won in their respective matches, but they didn't loose either (both of today's games came out to be a tie.)

I decided to watch all of the games for the World Cup this year. I really love soccer, and I hadn't realized till now how much I miss it. The games today inspired me to go out back and play around with my soccer ball a bit.

6.10.10

6.10.10, originally uploaded by mightymitchell.

Today's picture is of the Google homepage. Early this morning (about 12:30ish in the AM) I was sleepless and online and discovered Google had discarded their classic white background and colorful logo for a setup more like ask.com.

After initial shock I found out it was to only be a 24 hour test of the new option. However, I did Google "remove google background" dejectedly hoping to find some way to get my normal Google back. Later today I discovered that Google was back to normal after apparently many many people getting really upset about its change, fearing it was permanent. So only 11 hours into the 24 hour test Google pulled out and cancelled the thing, letting us all get back to our nice plain white page.

I think it's clear Google: we love the way you look. You are easy on our eyes and we don't need fancy pictures like ask.com; all we ask for is your awesome search engine. And that is all we need. Simplicity is better.

6.9.10

6.9.10, originally uploaded by mightymitchell.

Sorry for not uploading this the day of, I totally forgot about it. Yikes! At least I took a photo though!
So I came into my room and what did I find? A cat poking out from beneath my blanket. Scared the shit out of me!