Not So Positive... (Sorry)

We've all gone through rough times.
Sometimes it's hard to look at the positive side of things.  Sometimes it's just easier to be pessimistic.  Sometimes it's easier to ignore a blog about positivity and instead just be indifferent about things going on around you for months.  That's what I've been doing.
It's still hard to be optimistic and hopeful.  Lately I've been saying "Fuck it, positivity is too much work." It is a lot of work, but it does make you feel better.

     Tonight I've had one of those moments when everything that's been happening/ happened just hits you and you're overwhelmed.  You think over your biggest mistakes in life, you curse yourself for being so stupid, you know you should talk to someone but you just can't because you currently hate everyone's guts.  I won't lie- I cried.  That's not something you'll see me admit to often.  I knew what was coming, the feeling, anger I've felt in the past and I had to scare it off. (Jen, Krista an Kat you know what I mean)  I had to find something positive.

     I began ransacking my room, tearing apart my desk, searching for something, anything that would make me feel better.  I saw pictures of my friends but it made my feeling of loneliness only worse.  I found my rosary, but that didn't help either.  I found the Antioch bracelet Devin made for me but that only made me think of another boy at that Antioch and made things worse.  I found my Ring of Inspiration, but the quotes of courage and trying new things made me even more upset at myself for not doing so.  My mood was only getting worse and worse so I started digging through my bookshelf.  And I found my 'surveys' from Antioch.  More specifically, the notes from my last Antioch down in Chester and the first Antioch in SFAS.  And reading the letters, being told over and over how special I am, how fantastic and inspirational, how I'm loved and will be missed made me smile.  Then it made me grin.  And then it made me laugh.  I'm glad I was smart enough to bring these down with me.
     I'm feeling better for now but I've still got my problems.  And I just don't know how to be positive about them.  I don't have any wise words, inspirational quotes, thought out plans, or any idea what to do.  This is a blog about love and positivity but right now I can't do that, and I'm sorry.  I wish I could bring happiness and joy to you on a silver platter, but I can't find much for myself at the moment.  I am doing as much as I can to be positive.

     But to end I want to give you guys something nice to think about, and not my problems.  So here's a quote from Jason Mraz himself, his own words, via his twitter account.

"Life is amazing! Why, because I say it is.  You can say it too.  Choose life to be amazing! It is!"

We're trying Jason, we're trying.